Monday, November 29, 2010

Brilliant Ideas by Me: Airplane travel

Every summer when I was younger, I went to the beach with my mom. I loved our trips and many included my favorite Aunt Pam or one of my mom's other fabulous friends. We always had the best times. I miss those days. I am sure you can remember from your beach vacas the tiny shower that you were requested to use before entering the pool after frolicking beach side all day. Well, I never used those. Ever. I was that kid (or early twenty year old, but details details) who was sand-ridden head to toe and would bypass the line for the cold shower and jump into the deep end of the resort pool. I would bob to the surface refreshed and clean and laugh at all those silly folks for where held down by the man waiting in line.
I think airplanes should have a version of that tiny cold shower nowadays. On my recent nine hour flight home from Holiday abroad, I had the nasty pleasure to sit next to a stinky, stinky man. What happened to common courtesy?! I mean, do some people really not know what deoderent is? After about two hours of learning to breathe through my mouth or turning my entire face the the opposite side for a moment of peace while engaging a severe neck cramp, I was over it! I made up my mind to nicely say something to said cohabitant of my general air space. Well, to my shock as I turned to the sleeping beauty I noticed that SOMEHOW he had ninja unbuttoned his entire shirt AND belt. ICK! The smell was penetrating the final clean pieces of air and now it was at high speed since all barriers had been demolished. Oh and he decided to take full custody of the shared armrest AND fall into my property from time to time for the remainder of the flight. 34,000 feet above ground and not one ounce of fresh, clean air. Puke. Gag. I literally sucked up the rest of the nine hour flight and landed safely home. I booked it off that plane faster than Devon Sawa in Final Destination.

You're welcome for the late 90s reference.

So my friends, my point is: Maybe if the airlines would invent a tiny shower to defunk the funky preboarding we all could enjoy our biscoff cookies and tiny sodas in peace. And no, next beach vaca I will not use the tiny cold shower before jumping cannon ball style into the deep end. If FunkMaster Flex can torture me for nine hours, the rest of the fancy shmancy beach resort can deal with my sandy feet.

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